Nickapopolus, The Extraordinary Machine

They're like hipsters, but with lukemia. They do not like posers; they are 24/7.


I remember when my Aunt Gio first heard the term  '24/7' she thought it was the most novel thing she'd ever heard of. She actually called my mother to ask whether she had also heard of the time-saving phrase that would surely revolutionize the way humans used speech.

So, another year, another SSRI to try. I finally decided that feeling horrible all the time wasn't  quite normal and that I should at least try to believe once again that I might not have to be one of those people who will spend all their life being depressed. I went to a new doctor, but I started to get nervous when he tenuously linked identity problems and bisexuality but he actually turned out to be a cool, helpful guy. We actually agree on the fact that Vegas is such a strange place to be, let alone live. I explained that I thought that Las Vegas was like every base impulse we have as people blown out in neon. It's like Disney World or land in that they manufacture feeling but instead of forced whimsy and wonder its this gaudy, 1940s version of wanton sexuality and sin.

Eric keeps trying to help me ease my anxiety around people by inviting me out with his friends. He was really excited for me to meet his new friends Travis and Kelli in part because he had become good friends with Travis through work.

***
Right now, Eric's roommate has a girl in the living room who speaks with breathless excitement at the prospect of a show she loves being on a TV that is muted (I think). She sounds pretty and speaks as though she is always smiling. The wall fuzzes out their words making the soft murmurs of lovers stir the air. When they pause, I wonder if they're having a moment on which my mere presence in the apartment infringes. The door is closed, so I won't hazard a peek; they might see me afterall. 
***
(Warning: extremely personal content ahead)

I don't remember the first time E and I met T and K; in part because I was so nervous, I could barely look at them. Also I may have been drinking a lot so I could work up the courage to speak without worrying I would embarrass my boyfriend and makes his friends flee screaming into the night. Gradually, I've become very comfortable with them and really look forward to hanging out around them. Turns out, they're kind of rockstars: Kelli is an extremely talented comic book artist and writer while Travis manages to be a jack of all trades specializing in particle effects (I think).
E sent me Kelli's book "the Egoists" and  I actually nearly cried reading it. She creates and frames scenes like Yasujiru Ozu (check out Tokyo Story) or like something out of Beat Takeshi's "HANA-BI". Structures that should have meaning and ceremony like a court, like a family, are alien constructs when you're in the middle of a strange sea of emotion. Trivial matters and words literally don't read and aren't given any weight as empty speech bubbles. Beautiful idea. The matter of fact way she describes the events never hides how deeply personal it all is to her which I find extremely powerful. The type of unflinching honesty with which she writes makes me wish I had been brave enough to write like that when it could have mattered for me.
Also she's got a great sense of humor.
To return to my other point, she and her husband are kind of rockstars because they may be the most chill people on the planet. They are unafraid to speak of anything with complete honesty. Amazing.

On the retail side of things, everyone has officially started to lose their minds. Also, COD4:MW2, Assassin's Creed 2, Left 4 Dead 2 New Super Mario Brothers Wii are coming out this month, so everyone in the stores have already lost their minds. On top of that, Dragon Age: Origins, Borderlands and Forza 3 just came out. Pre orders upon pre orders, christmas inventory, swine flu and cheap gifts are at the forefront of our company's collective mind. I will be glad to get out of this retail industry by the middle of next year. ( Oh, I should remember to write about Dark Spire DS and Super Robot Taisen OGS: ES DS later. I am currently obsessed with Atlus games)

Speaking of industry, I find it hilarious when people ask me if I get special perks for working at a game store. People ask for E3 tickets or "industry secrets" that I might be abreast (tee-hee) of. Just for the record, I think people should note that game retail employees are in the game industry in the same way that Stop and Shop employees are in the agricultural business.
JUSSAYIN.


Hell,  I was just going to look at a-dult media and then go to back to bed. Crap.

Of Games, Gaijin and Gals
You would think that in an industry where young ladies of the cosplaying-anti-clothes-wearing “booth babe” persuasion were the norm at expos, folks would cease to balk at the prospect of female gamers.

( As a black American, I am not what most people call Japanese. )

I watched some Emberwilde movies again... I miss Kanazawa and all of my kaikan friends. Even though I was so drunk and I am shit at guitar and singing, I had a blast. I wouldn't trade any moment I spent there for the world.
These videos made me laugh again:

Interlude:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8543-DtBNyM&feature=channel

Little Mermaid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MjRi50bwu4&feature=channel

And, of course, Sway feat. Kazama Chinatsu being Kazama Chinatsu:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnQNsVQ5CqM&feature=channel

I miss and love you all.

I find myself so rarely writing in my LJ anymore, in part because I have nothing of value to write; not that that has stopped me before, but I didn't have anything worth working out in writing. I think this whole election has changed that because as an American, I see a change in many people that has me feeling conflicting emotions. I'm splitting this up into sections so I can attach some method to my madness.


General feelings about President-elect Obama:
I liked Obama for a while now and in all honesty, I could care less if he were black. For me, it came down to several issues in the candidates' policies that convinced me to vote for the O-man. I found myself being sickened on Election day when people said they voted for Barack because he was black. My heart dropped in part because it spoke to an apathy towards serious issues that I think out-weigh race in importance. I am not naive enough to think that everyone can be colorblind, but voting for someone because they look like you shouldn't be in the forefront of people's minds. Why wouldn't you vote about the importance of Roe v. Wade and the implications about privacy? Or about making certain things wealthy Americans get regularly something we all have access to (namely health care). While I recognize that people will write me off as a bleeding-heart liberal, I truly believe that people have a responsibility to one another. The extent of the obligation is debatable, but I truly believe it exists nonetheless. As an elected offical, we charge said person to protect everyone, not just the people who agree with him or her (Which is something I don't think a McCain administration would have been able to do). There's so much to consider that to reduce it all to a racial preference is upsetting.


On "Equality":
 My boss (who is caucasian) asked me if I was happy about the election. I gave her a long, drawn-out answer about how my opinions aligned more with Obama/Biden than McCain/Palin, so yes-but-there-are-still-a-ton-of-issues-to-be-adressed and she replied:

"While I don't want to sound racist, I'm not sure this is what America needs right now... I worried about seeing a black or woman president because... with all the assasination attempts... this isn't what the country needs right now."
 
I thought for a second about her opinion because while she is entitled to it, I think she is wrong and I told her as much. I explained that these are the growing pains of a nations and that it would be an issue no matter when a person of color or a woman came into power, it would be difficult. My final remarks on it to her went along the lines of:

"Inequality exists and it sucks... but I love America and I will fight to make her a better country".

I was actually surprised to her myself say that! Normally, I try to be indifferent about being American; if people ask about it, I won't lie, but I will never say she is a perfect country. I am very critical of our nation, just as I am extremely critical of Japan or many other places- My affection for them makes me think that they can always be better and anything short of that is for lack of a better word, unacceptable. I am very critical of Obama (and Biden) because I hold them to such a high standard.

To those who voted for Obama simply because he is black: please do not think that this has ushered in an age of racial equality. A black supreme court justice didn't mean that everything was equal either. There is a long hard road out there that actually may have no end; just because it is harder to see, does not mean it has vanished entirely.
Also, do not change this nation into black-v-white; there are other minorities and to downplay their struggles as less significant is inappropriate and unfair. This actually brings me to my next point;

On Prop 8:
 I have read that the high turnout of minority voters helped pass this reprehensible legislation and I find myself so angry and disgusted. How can we claim a victory for equality when something like this passes? Do not tell me we are equal, if i cannot marry another consenting-law-abiding-unrelated adult. Two steps forward, one step back.
 

On The "Palin Problem":
I'd be lying if I said that part of me is enthralled and horrified by the feeding frenzy on this woman's credibility. I don't Sarah Palin mainly because I find her views hateful and cruel. Normally, if I dislike someone's views, I deal with it and try to not hate them, but I had a visceral reaction every time she spoke that lead me to grind my teeth ( I actually really hurt my jaw after the Biden-Palin debate). I realized today that I watch all the bad stuff about her  because it seems almost like her 'uppance has come'. I decided that there was no need for me to be so vindictive and probed my mind as to why I could find pleasure in all this. I think that while I have some sympathy  for the position she is in, I hate to think that she appeals to the base of the republican party. I'd like to think that people do not generally have the same views as this woman and seeing her being torn apart in the media is almost like a type of vindication. If she can be torn apart for being foolish, than perhaps people who agree with her might rethink their opinions. I know I am walking a dangerously fine line with this type of wishful thinking, but I believe that admitting to it is better that denying it.
Having said all that, I actually am not finding myself nit-picking the sexist coverage because as Mrs. Palin said herself, we can't cry about this and expect it to change; we just accept it and try to be better. Again, super-thin, very dangerous reasoning there, but I am writing from my gut for the moment, deal with it.
I don't care that Palin is a woman and I don't care that Obama is black. Their opinions are what matter to me. Seriously.
And if that is hard to understand... I am sad for the state of discourse in our nation.

[ From "http://www.iq.harvard.edu/blog/sss/archives/2008/10/bidenpalin_ling.shtml"]

"the VP debate was stunning. Palin did a decent job faking about 20% of the questions and didn't even bother answering the other 80%.

i couldn't help thinking of the end of the movie Billy Madison, when the debate moderator says to Adam Sandler,

"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Posted by: movie fan at October 3, 2008 6:56 PM "


ahahahhhahah!

My fellow Earthakins
For the last time, Mr. OBAMA is running for president with Mr. Biden for VP; Mr. McCAIN, with Mrs. Palin as his VP.

Mrs. Palin, though admittedly interesting in her Ms.-Pollyanna-goes-to-Washington schitk IS NOT running for president.

In light of this revelation, this is a cease and desist order to anyone who believes that Mrs. Palin is running for office (and before you say it, anyone running for any position within the white house, much like anyone not, could die at any time; although some of us closer to that 3/4 of a century mark have a higher likelihood...).

I move that we all pressure Mr. McCain to take back his campaign unless, as this VP pick suggests, he is desperate to lose.

I also move to make a preemptive strike against any she-lost-because-of-her-ovaries or he-lost-because-he's-half-black nonsense. Someone will -repeat WILL- lose and some of us will have to deal with it. Some of us will be raw about it for the rest of our lives. Still others will look at pictures of Dennis Kucinich's wife until we forget why we were upset. We'll regroup and if it seems practical, try again later. So let's not even deal with the whiny BS and move the fuck on.

I only hope that we as a people will eventually see through all this dog-and-pony shit and get down to fixing things.


Tim Gunn/ Heidi Klum, 2012!

Yeah,
I'm looking for a job. And NO ONE is hiring at the moment, or at least they don't want to hire me. I feel so useless and frustrated that I can't even find a simple job yet to the point where I'm stressing myself out over it. I went to look in the mirror the other day and one of the blood vessles in my eye had popped. So now, my eye looks all bloody but thankfully, my vision isn't affected. One of the causes apparently is stress, which makes a lot of sense to me. My life isn't horrible but I do manage to make myself sick over trying to do everything correctly. I am hyper-aware that everyone thinks I'm just lazy for not having found a job yet. But I am trying, so yeah.
I finished Lost Odyssey over the weekend which was actually not too shabby of a game. I was sort of worried about the action elements of it; time trials, the ring system and the like, but they turned out to not be that hard. Also, all of the boss battles are fairly do-able. Some required serious leveling (Bogimoray section, for example) but the learning curve was such that it really only required patience. What makes the game noteworthy, IMO is not that it's beautiful- it's the grace with which they use the engine to further the story and the player's connection to the characters. That having been said, some of the characters are a bit lacking in terms of depth, namely Kaim (the protagonist) who is intially the pouting metrosexual of many a JRPG. However, the "Thousand Years Of Dreams" stories unlocked throughout the game reveal bits a pieces about his life enough that he does eventually become more rounded. Also, the visuals really become impressive when the show off the facial expressions of the characters. I think because we have so many engines that focus on (Relatively) realistic physics (Euphoria), facial expression can fall to the wayside. I think that there is more of a focus on the subtle movements in the face that belie convoluted (often tacit) emotions and as such, the characters seem more human. They try to deliver and certain themes (the ephemerality of life and relationships) by using the idea of immortals in the human world, which I think was well done. Outside of that, the battle system is standard and the acqusition of skills is fairly straightforward.
I recently got through the majority of the new Simpsons game,(even though I HATE platformers) mainly because I just wanted the pet Homer. So cute. AND the first level is set in the land of chocolate, so I got to hear the silly music that plays during that segment.

"Darky Iconography"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golliwog

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Black_Sambo

I NEED this shirt:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/85d1/?cpg=ab

That is all.

I need to write about this film.
This always makes me think of the Utada song "About Me", specifically this part:

"I can be crazy when I don't want to/ Maybe I'm not a very honest person/ What if I don't want a baby /Is it okay if I'm not cute and naive/ Up and down we go..."

Since Utada Hikaru comes out of the exact scene which the movie critiques I can only think of Mima's struggle when the singer expresses her desire to be more than a kawaii perfect archetype.
In case you didn't know, this is one of my favorite films. Perfect Blue was also one of the many anime that pushed me into Japanese culture just because it was so engaging. I had no idea that films could be this honest, haunting, and moving. Everytime I have seen it I have been moved to tears. These weren't out of fear as in my first viewing Akira nor existential crisis as in GITS. I am so moved by this film because it makes the world it's depicting real in a very different way. Mima's world is very much anchored in this reality (until till she crosses into a dream world); her personal affects can be and dare likely to be found in any home. Her emotions are confused, convoluted and heartfelt. Her struggle is that not only of pop idols but of any girl who has allowed herself to be consumed by something. Women recovering from eating disorders often say they couldn't discern where they ended and the sickness began. Mima mirrors this perfectly.
What always gets me about the film is just how much of a scathing critique it is. Especially coming out of a society where "the nail that sticks out gets hammered down", this film fundamentally defiant. Mima and Rumi are driven to the brink of sanity by the pop-idol culture. Mima is running from Rumi, but to some extent she's running from the side of herself so perverted by the idol culture that it tries to exterminate her desire to break away.
This film makes me sad for so many idols, not only in Japan.

http://www.bostonmagazine.com/articles/my_short_happy_life_in_crime/

( tl;dr )

Am I weird for not feeling offended by this?


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/23807043#23807043


...Or for feeling like that's a serious stretch at best and round-about racism by first thinking of King Kong at worst?

I haven't updated in nearly eh month.
So here's what I'm working on:
A paper comparing Ozu's "Tokyo Story" to "Little Miss Sunshine"

A presentation on the idea of morality from Kurosawa's "Ikiru" to "Death Note"

And finally, a paper about the idea of the self in modern Japanese literature (Matsuo Bashou's "Oku no Hosomichi") to "Ghost in the Shell 2" with an possible section on Gairaigo (mai kaa "my car" versus watashi no kuruma).
Also LSAT stuff.


That is all.

I'm starting to think that there is some law in Japan forbidding musicians to go without making a song named "Sakura". Obsoieve:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Sakura&search=Search

That being said, I started looking up some Capsule songs today. They officially win the cute olympics in synth-pop.

Glider:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNgkvoFgfts

Plastic Girl:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPMuohTO9Hg

Sugarless Girl:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ3C356Mds8

I had no idea they were so big into emulating 60's/french style.
You know what I mean. Buena Vista Social Club-y.