Nickapopolus, The Extraordinary Machine

I watched some Emberwilde movies again... I miss Kanazawa and all of my kaikan friends. Even though I was so drunk and I am shit at guitar and singing, I had a blast. I wouldn't trade any moment I spent there for the world.
These videos made me laugh again:

Interlude:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8543-DtBNyM&feature=channel

Little Mermaid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MjRi50bwu4&feature=channel

And, of course, Sway feat. Kazama Chinatsu being Kazama Chinatsu:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnQNsVQ5CqM&feature=channel

I miss and love you all.

I find myself so rarely writing in my LJ anymore, in part because I have nothing of value to write; not that that has stopped me before, but I didn't have anything worth working out in writing. I think this whole election has changed that because as an American, I see a change in many people that has me feeling conflicting emotions. I'm splitting this up into sections so I can attach some method to my madness.


General feelings about President-elect Obama:
I liked Obama for a while now and in all honesty, I could care less if he were black. For me, it came down to several issues in the candidates' policies that convinced me to vote for the O-man. I found myself being sickened on Election day when people said they voted for Barack because he was black. My heart dropped in part because it spoke to an apathy towards serious issues that I think out-weigh race in importance. I am not naive enough to think that everyone can be colorblind, but voting for someone because they look like you shouldn't be in the forefront of people's minds. Why wouldn't you vote about the importance of Roe v. Wade and the implications about privacy? Or about making certain things wealthy Americans get regularly something we all have access to (namely health care). While I recognize that people will write me off as a bleeding-heart liberal, I truly believe that people have a responsibility to one another. The extent of the obligation is debatable, but I truly believe it exists nonetheless. As an elected offical, we charge said person to protect everyone, not just the people who agree with him or her (Which is something I don't think a McCain administration would have been able to do). There's so much to consider that to reduce it all to a racial preference is upsetting.


On "Equality":
 My boss (who is caucasian) asked me if I was happy about the election. I gave her a long, drawn-out answer about how my opinions aligned more with Obama/Biden than McCain/Palin, so yes-but-there-are-still-a-ton-of-issues-to-be-adressed and she replied:

"While I don't want to sound racist, I'm not sure this is what America needs right now... I worried about seeing a black or woman president because... with all the assasination attempts... this isn't what the country needs right now."
 
I thought for a second about her opinion because while she is entitled to it, I think she is wrong and I told her as much. I explained that these are the growing pains of a nations and that it would be an issue no matter when a person of color or a woman came into power, it would be difficult. My final remarks on it to her went along the lines of:

"Inequality exists and it sucks... but I love America and I will fight to make her a better country".

I was actually surprised to her myself say that! Normally, I try to be indifferent about being American; if people ask about it, I won't lie, but I will never say she is a perfect country. I am very critical of our nation, just as I am extremely critical of Japan or many other places- My affection for them makes me think that they can always be better and anything short of that is for lack of a better word, unacceptable. I am very critical of Obama (and Biden) because I hold them to such a high standard.

To those who voted for Obama simply because he is black: please do not think that this has ushered in an age of racial equality. A black supreme court justice didn't mean that everything was equal either. There is a long hard road out there that actually may have no end; just because it is harder to see, does not mean it has vanished entirely.
Also, do not change this nation into black-v-white; there are other minorities and to downplay their struggles as less significant is inappropriate and unfair. This actually brings me to my next point;

On Prop 8:
 I have read that the high turnout of minority voters helped pass this reprehensible legislation and I find myself so angry and disgusted. How can we claim a victory for equality when something like this passes? Do not tell me we are equal, if i cannot marry another consenting-law-abiding-unrelated adult. Two steps forward, one step back.
 

On The "Palin Problem":
I'd be lying if I said that part of me is enthralled and horrified by the feeding frenzy on this woman's credibility. I don't Sarah Palin mainly because I find her views hateful and cruel. Normally, if I dislike someone's views, I deal with it and try to not hate them, but I had a visceral reaction every time she spoke that lead me to grind my teeth ( I actually really hurt my jaw after the Biden-Palin debate). I realized today that I watch all the bad stuff about her  because it seems almost like her 'uppance has come'. I decided that there was no need for me to be so vindictive and probed my mind as to why I could find pleasure in all this. I think that while I have some sympathy  for the position she is in, I hate to think that she appeals to the base of the republican party. I'd like to think that people do not generally have the same views as this woman and seeing her being torn apart in the media is almost like a type of vindication. If she can be torn apart for being foolish, than perhaps people who agree with her might rethink their opinions. I know I am walking a dangerously fine line with this type of wishful thinking, but I believe that admitting to it is better that denying it.
Having said all that, I actually am not finding myself nit-picking the sexist coverage because as Mrs. Palin said herself, we can't cry about this and expect it to change; we just accept it and try to be better. Again, super-thin, very dangerous reasoning there, but I am writing from my gut for the moment, deal with it.
I don't care that Palin is a woman and I don't care that Obama is black. Their opinions are what matter to me. Seriously.
And if that is hard to understand... I am sad for the state of discourse in our nation.

[ From "http://www.iq.harvard.edu/blog/sss/archives/2008/10/bidenpalin_ling.shtml"]

"the VP debate was stunning. Palin did a decent job faking about 20% of the questions and didn't even bother answering the other 80%.

i couldn't help thinking of the end of the movie Billy Madison, when the debate moderator says to Adam Sandler,

"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Posted by: movie fan at October 3, 2008 6:56 PM "


ahahahhhahah!

My fellow Earthakins
For the last time, Mr. OBAMA is running for president with Mr. Biden for VP; Mr. McCAIN, with Mrs. Palin as his VP.

Mrs. Palin, though admittedly interesting in her Ms.-Pollyanna-goes-to-Washington schitk IS NOT running for president.

In light of this revelation, this is a cease and desist order to anyone who believes that Mrs. Palin is running for office (and before you say it, anyone running for any position within the white house, much like anyone not, could die at any time; although some of us closer to that 3/4 of a century mark have a higher likelihood...).

I move that we all pressure Mr. McCain to take back his campaign unless, as this VP pick suggests, he is desperate to lose.

I also move to make a preemptive strike against any she-lost-because-of-her-ovaries or he-lost-because-he's-half-black nonsense. Someone will -repeat WILL- lose and some of us will have to deal with it. Some of us will be raw about it for the rest of our lives. Still others will look at pictures of Dennis Kucinich's wife until we forget why we were upset. We'll regroup and if it seems practical, try again later. So let's not even deal with the whiny BS and move the fuck on.

I only hope that we as a people will eventually see through all this dog-and-pony shit and get down to fixing things.


Tim Gunn/ Heidi Klum, 2012!

Yeah,
I'm looking for a job. And NO ONE is hiring at the moment, or at least they don't want to hire me. I feel so useless and frustrated that I can't even find a simple job yet to the point where I'm stressing myself out over it. I went to look in the mirror the other day and one of the blood vessles in my eye had popped. So now, my eye looks all bloody but thankfully, my vision isn't affected. One of the causes apparently is stress, which makes a lot of sense to me. My life isn't horrible but I do manage to make myself sick over trying to do everything correctly. I am hyper-aware that everyone thinks I'm just lazy for not having found a job yet. But I am trying, so yeah.
I finished Lost Odyssey over the weekend which was actually not too shabby of a game. I was sort of worried about the action elements of it; time trials, the ring system and the like, but they turned out to not be that hard. Also, all of the boss battles are fairly do-able. Some required serious leveling (Bogimoray section, for example) but the learning curve was such that it really only required patience. What makes the game noteworthy, IMO is not that it's beautiful- it's the grace with which they use the engine to further the story and the player's connection to the characters. That having been said, some of the characters are a bit lacking in terms of depth, namely Kaim (the protagonist) who is intially the pouting metrosexual of many a JRPG. However, the "Thousand Years Of Dreams" stories unlocked throughout the game reveal bits a pieces about his life enough that he does eventually become more rounded. Also, the visuals really become impressive when the show off the facial expressions of the characters. I think because we have so many engines that focus on (Relatively) realistic physics (Euphoria), facial expression can fall to the wayside. I think that there is more of a focus on the subtle movements in the face that belie convoluted (often tacit) emotions and as such, the characters seem more human. They try to deliver and certain themes (the ephemerality of life and relationships) by using the idea of immortals in the human world, which I think was well done. Outside of that, the battle system is standard and the acqusition of skills is fairly straightforward.
I recently got through the majority of the new Simpsons game,(even though I HATE platformers) mainly because I just wanted the pet Homer. So cute. AND the first level is set in the land of chocolate, so I got to hear the silly music that plays during that segment.

"Darky Iconography"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golliwog

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Black_Sambo

I NEED this shirt:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/85d1/?cpg=ab

That is all.

I need to write about this film.
This always makes me think of the Utada song "About Me", specifically this part:

"I can be crazy when I don't want to/ Maybe I'm not a very honest person/ What if I don't want a baby /Is it okay if I'm not cute and naive/ Up and down we go..."

Since Utada Hikaru comes out of the exact scene which the movie critiques I can only think of Mima's struggle when the singer expresses her desire to be more than a kawaii perfect archetype.
In case you didn't know, this is one of my favorite films. Perfect Blue was also one of the many anime that pushed me into Japanese culture just because it was so engaging. I had no idea that films could be this honest, haunting, and moving. Everytime I have seen it I have been moved to tears. These weren't out of fear as in my first viewing Akira nor existential crisis as in GITS. I am so moved by this film because it makes the world it's depicting real in a very different way. Mima's world is very much anchored in this reality (until till she crosses into a dream world); her personal affects can be and dare likely to be found in any home. Her emotions are confused, convoluted and heartfelt. Her struggle is that not only of pop idols but of any girl who has allowed herself to be consumed by something. Women recovering from eating disorders often say they couldn't discern where they ended and the sickness began. Mima mirrors this perfectly.
What always gets me about the film is just how much of a scathing critique it is. Especially coming out of a society where "the nail that sticks out gets hammered down", this film fundamentally defiant. Mima and Rumi are driven to the brink of sanity by the pop-idol culture. Mima is running from Rumi, but to some extent she's running from the side of herself so perverted by the idol culture that it tries to exterminate her desire to break away.
This film makes me sad for so many idols, not only in Japan.

http://www.bostonmagazine.com/articles/my_short_happy_life_in_crime/

( tl;dr )

Am I weird for not feeling offended by this?


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/23807043#23807043


...Or for feeling like that's a serious stretch at best and round-about racism by first thinking of King Kong at worst?

I haven't updated in nearly eh month.
So here's what I'm working on:
A paper comparing Ozu's "Tokyo Story" to "Little Miss Sunshine"

A presentation on the idea of morality from Kurosawa's "Ikiru" to "Death Note"

And finally, a paper about the idea of the self in modern Japanese literature (Matsuo Bashou's "Oku no Hosomichi") to "Ghost in the Shell 2" with an possible section on Gairaigo (mai kaa "my car" versus watashi no kuruma).
Also LSAT stuff.


That is all.

I'm starting to think that there is some law in Japan forbidding musicians to go without making a song named "Sakura". Obsoieve:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Sakura&search=Search

That being said, I started looking up some Capsule songs today. They officially win the cute olympics in synth-pop.

Glider:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNgkvoFgfts

Plastic Girl:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPMuohTO9Hg

Sugarless Girl:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ3C356Mds8

I had no idea they were so big into emulating 60's/french style.
You know what I mean. Buena Vista Social Club-y.

There's a lot happening... or a lot that happened recently to make me go get tested for HIV. I went to get a HPV vaccine yesterday and asked if you should get more tests done. My mom was like "well, you've only had one partner, right"?
Uh... no.
"Well then, yes you should, Scarlette O'Hara."
So my mom thinks I'm a tart; which is true, but no one should have that image of their child in their heads. I feel badly that I had to remind her that my lifestyle may be wildly different than what she thinks it is (She said she read my myspace blog about being naked at an onsen and said "oh my god, Nicole is going to orgies in Japan". Seriously, her words, not mine.)
In case you didn't know, I used to participate in self-destructive, super-high-risk behaviors that I have since stopped. But old acquaintances ( I wouldn't say we were dating per se) have been trying to "re-connect" with me (fuck that shit; if you're reading this -and you know who you are- don't bother. Seriously.), a lot of awareness stuff, getting a bit sick lately all prompted me to get tested. The last straw was a Law and Order episode that was about a woman who found out her husband had been going to "poker nights" (I get it, "poker"....) for unprotected sex with many men who had somehow become HIV positive. I started to lose my mind and worry that I might be sick and not know about it, what if I was, how would I tell people? SO, I went to a free clinic in Reading and asked for the *FREE* rapid result test. I didn't even need to do a blood test, they check your saliva for the HIV anti-bodies. I can honestly say that was the longest 20 minutes of my life. I tried to think what I would do if I were positive... I couldn't even begin to think how I would deal with it. Either way, I have never been so happy to be called 'negative' in my life. I'm thankful I'm fine but it was scary. Either way, if you want to get tested here are some links to clinics/info:

MTV's THINK program:

Sex/Relationships

know your sex life

Testing Centers

CDC:

CDC testing center info

I have no idea. I recently got fed up with not knowing why I often pick up an US weekly. When the kareshi asked me about it I admitted that I assume the majority of the articles are at best pure speculation and at worst completely made-up: "It's like fan-fiction with glossy pages!" He asked why I read then, and I really didn't have a good answer. I don't like doing things without knowing why I feel compelled to do so... Also I wanted to do some researching because I hadn't done it in a while. I started with thewikipedia article (what else?) on celebrity then did a google search on "celebrity-worship syndrome". There was some interesting stuff, especially in the articles I found from psychology today and cosmos magazine.

According to the first article, it actually serves some evolutionary purposes:

"[T]he real celebrity spinmeister is our own mind, which tricks us into believing the stars are our lovers and our social intimates. Celebrity culture plays to all of our innate tendencies: We’re built to view anyone we recognize as an acquaintance ripe for gossip or for romance...

John Lennon infuriated the faithful when he said the Beatles were more popular than Jesus, but he wasn’t the first to suggest that celebrity culture was taking the place of religion. With its myths, its rituals (the red carpet walk, the Super Bowl ring, the handprints outside Grauman’s Chinese Theater) and its ability to immortalize, it fills a similar cultural niche. In a secular society our need for ritualized idol worship can be displaced onto stars, speculates psychologist James Houran, formerly of the Southern Illinois University School of Medicine

Much like spiritual guidance, celebrity-watching can be inspiring, or at least help us muster the will to tackle our own problems. “Celebrities motivate us to make it,” says Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Jersey. Oprah Winfrey suffered through poverty, sexual abuse and racial discrimination to become the wealthiest woman in media.

The beauty bias is well-known. We all pay more attention to good-looking people... In one of Kniffin’s experiments, students worked on an archeological dig together toward a shared goal. Those who were deemed cooperative and likable were rated as more attractive after the project was finished than they were at the outset. Conversely, students who were not as hardworking were rated as less attractive after the chore was done... Kniffin believes this same mechanism is at work in our feelings toward celebrities, who rank somewhere between strangers and intimates."

Source: Psychology Today © Copyright 1991-2008 Sussex Publishers, LLC; Psychology Today Magazine, Jul/Aug 2004, Last Reviewed 24 Jun 2005
Article ID: 3466


It's dangerous, ne?

When I come back to writing after long periods off, I feel relieved. My head gets so heavy with ideas I exhaust my own senses. Writing in my journal, sending my ideas off an paper boat is a action I love; the deliciousness of which I am quick to forget. I stop updating earlier because I was busy with school and not losing my mind. I read Murakami's "Norwegian Wood" which is good but difficult to get through. I sympathize with character so much that it was difficult to read her ups and downs without relating them to my own. Naoko reaches through the pages and grabs me. It's frustrating.
I was reading the kareshi's livejournal and it was very interesting. I feel so much closer to him when I read his writings. There is something so intimate about seeing into someone's thought process. I love it. I think this started when I was in Japan. Instead of real physical intimacy, this was the best thing. When I would wake up alone, every piece of me wanting only him, this was the only thing I could hope for. Sometimes when we're together now I pray that this isn't just another one of my dreams that i will wake up from... but if it is, I only wish that I won't wake up.

***
My holiday was good, which is to say uneventful. No crying or drama. To be fair, I did sleep through most of it to avoid the aforementioned on my part. I got many nice things, none of which I deserved, I'm sure. I would have been happy with the 3 DS games i asked for, but I actually didn't get them. That was fine, I got some gifts i actually had already, returned them and used the cash to buy the games. My brother gave me a PSP, the Naruto heroes, and FF tactics game. Unfortunately I'm done with J-RPGs for right now unless they are actually in Japanese and therefore have some didactic value. I'm trying to condition myself to actually be able to get through a game be it turn-based or otherwise. I bought
Trace Memory which is a great game. I believe it may be the best game for teaching someone how to use their DS because it employs every possible way to play with the DS. It's a logic/puzzle game about trying to find your way through a haunted mansion. I am absolutely in love with it. The puzzle often felt impossible, but it really only took some effort. I mean, I don't think game designers usually put impossible problems into games thinking well that will teach them to buy our games.
At least, I hope not.
I picked up Dementium based solely on that fact that it was a M-rated survival/horror FPS on the DS. I had never seen anything rated above T for it, so I was excited with the prospect of adult-oriented blood and gore. That sounded a lot better in my head. It good, but a bit wonky; the graphics can only be so great on a DS with limited pixels and resolution. I think where it falls short is the general tutorial/clues department. The premise of the game is that you wake in a hospital painted with the blood of victims of science-knows-what and are attacked by monsters that seems to have misplaced their skin. I understand wanting to create a sense of fear by waking up in a scary and unknown place, but there seems to be no reason for me to be going around the place. I'm just wandering around. Oh, and by the way, when you fight your way out of a room just to realize you have no idea where you're going so you try to retrace you're steps, it is very annoying to have to re-kill all of the baddies you just plowed your way through. To temper my bloodlust, I bought the Simpsons game. I really just wanted thepet homer
because it's way too cute. Turns out, the rest of the gae is a pretty unforgiving platformer. In between putting their logo on everything from helium tanks to background walls, EA managed to encorperate a good mix of other styles. For example, Lisa and Bart go to bring down the Auntie Nature (read: Mr. Burns in a wig and dress) Logging Company, there is a frogger-style level. You also have to save lenny and carl from being turned into mulch for some reason. I must commend the designers though because the game looks good. They said they wanted to keep the general Simpsons aesthetic, which they did for the most part. Seeing the Simpsons in 3d will always look strange to me.
So I've also been playing Naruto for two weeks straight... I'm ANBU: Black Ops, whatever the hell that means. You can battle three-on-three with different teams. For example, Team Kakashi (Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura) might not be good as the "Those Who Know Loneliness" team (Naruto, Sasuke, Gaara;) all the cursed boys, yeah! My next promotion tests seems impossible, although I've said that before. The Orochimaru level SUCKS so incredibly hard. Healing powers and a sword. Uh-uh, fuck that unbeatable shit. I JUST unlocked Gaara with my Maidens in Love team (Sakura, Ino and Hinata) and I'm trying to get more points for the rest of my characters by going through both levels with different teams.Gaara is strong as all hell, especially when you use his sand-burial move, but he moves so slowly! Surprisingly Ino and Sakura are good characters; I thought they would be some of the weakest...I also just unlocked Kakashi and Guy-sensei; Kakashi's special move to replenish Chakra is called "Make-out paradise". Eep.
My strongest right now is Neji (+4 strength) but I use Ino most often (she has accumulated upwards of 5000 points). Her special jutsu has a poison thing that is really handy. I like Sakura's secret technique the best (the huge evil Sakura with "Inner Sakura" written on her forehead. Cute.
I think it's the first fighting game that I've played through and liked. It has a doable learning curve and tests you on specific skills you will need to beat the higher levels. I think the RPG elements about it also got me; I like that I can beef up a character to my liking as much as I want.
Long story short; three DS games (Trace Memory, Dementium, Simpsons Game) are good; PSP games are gorgeous albeit expensive and I'm in the market for a new one.